Waste of Time

I hate to have my dinner late. I hate to waste time. I can kick the chairs, kick the door, vent my anger at Ah Wang, but I can do nothing further. I am not allowed to.

The Mistress

I am soaked in disappointment. Not that it is the first time in this career, if I can use this word 'career' to describe the state of affair I have been in since graduation. I realised, whatever I am doing is akin to a mistress of a married man. No matter how good my proposal is, no matter how much effort was spent into the preparation work, it would always lose to a priority lane user, aka, the lawful wife. I have been 'selling' the idea of a new product to my boss for no less than 2 years. Proven, Safe, productive, profitable is the prospective addition. Yet, I am always brushed off with a feeble excuse. Alas, there comes a PIC scheme where the government would subsidise some of the cost involved in the procurement of this product. I got words from the boss that if we manage to secure the funding, then the product is worth purchasing. I scratched my head, I know for this product to meet the funding criteria, much creative and effort will needed to draft a convincing proposal to the relevant authority who will approve/disapprove the funding. I finally set my direction and plunged into the sculpting of the ultimate proposal. I wrung my brains and strained my eyes to create the illustration. I was finally rewarded with the approval letter today. I just need to show the approval to my boss, who should be so satisfied that we got this approval. Lo and behold. It was not to be. The proposal is destined to be chucked aside for funds will be allocated for another purchase.

Nothing to dream of

A television programme mentioned the problem with the working generation these days. On why they chose to strike out on career instead of marital affairs. What caught my ears is a certain guest, who claimed that the working generation nowadays are trying to balance work, ambition, hobby and relations at the same time. They are filled with drive to achieve and juggle as many as they could. My heart kind of sank slightly. Well, not just slightly. The situation I'm in now, there is not much I could juggle except my own work, my co-worker's work and my boss's wish (read: command). I have no time for hobbies, no social circle for much relation, no ambition to dream of (the more I dream, the more clearly I see that distance getting farther), but I have a lot of work (read: shit). Tomorrow is a public holidays. I would like to dedicate my prayers for a good afterlife to the sheep's whose lives are going to be ended for it.

Goodbye my Rose

It finally dawn on me that Rose has left me physically, for good (15/7/2013). She had a memorial service and a one day funeral at the place she called home for the last 15 years. I fought back all my tears and went on the day being busy over whatever needs to be done. Washing her carcass, draining her body fluid, blowing her fur dry, scenting her, setting up her resting place, praying and getting some blessed flowers from a temple, digging her grave, etc.. I practically had no time to be sad. Yet today, when I finally hold on to the fur I instructed zz to snip off from Rose, I realised that what I am holding on to, is the only physical thing left of Rose. At this point, my nose is heating up, tears welling up in my eyes. Thank you, Rose. You have unconditionally trusted me and brought me endless happiness. Even though you have left to find Apple, Ger Ger, Peter, Ah Orh, The Cemerlang Canines and your mountain of treats, you will live in my memory for good. I love you, Rose.

Spending on Credit means spending future money, if any

Today, I was topping up some clothes at FOX when I witness a disenchanted state of affairs. Two ladies in their mid twenties were in front of me in the queue. They saw the promotion for a certain bank's credit card at the counter and began to discuss on whether they have that particular bank's card. One of them whipped out a stack (that must have been 2 cm thick) of credit cardS. She lamented, 'I think I have that card, but I do not know whether I can use it because I have not paid off the bill'. Wow.

No means a sportsman

I am by no means a sportsman, nor do I have any talent for athletic stuff. However, recently, I do feel that I suffer some kind of syndromes when I absent myself from some kind of exercise. Be it the evening jog, or the afternoon swim. For the past 3 days, I am devoid of physical training (either by weather, work or timing), and I find my mood kind of dull, I feel wasted, or rather I hope to waste some energy somehow. Today evening, the weather is great and I went for my farm mart route. Not a long trip, but a satisfying one nonetheless. I feel my endorphin waking up and I actually feel livelier, and i began to think of what I would like to do tomorrow.

君子之交淡如水

The romantic notion of friendship is no longer as valid. Perhaps it was never valid. Friends used to be or in my opinion should be frank and considerate towards each other's predicament and situation. If one knows his action (or inaction) will bear certain effects on his friend, he would have spent a slight effort to initiate an action, or not do something that might have ill-effects on his 'friend'. However, nowadays, I find myself constantly making myself available to friends who do not even bother to drop you a text message to say he is unable to turn up for something. In another words, he rather put you 'on hold' and perhaps 'available' to give himself a backup plan in case you are needed. Friends would not have treated you like a fool or take you for granted. Look you up when they need you, for play, for help, for whatever? I was recently treated like a prostitute on a hold list. A 'friend' asked to make plans for a trip, and and at the same time complained about another 'friend' who kept pestering him to go on another trip which 'he does not want to commit at that point in time'. Alas, when I contacted him to ask on the intended plans, I was shocked and bewildered when he said he will be going on that other trip he was not interested then. I felt like I was on the receiving end of some Weeting nonsense. I am disenchanted indeed.

Everything In The World

One night ago, I was at Qu Wanting concert. I expected no fanciful set up and spectacular dress and I was right. But because of the simple set up - of a few guitars, a white piano, a drum kit and a keyboard - I was able to enjoy her singing and feel her feelings at the purest possible.

That night, the song that touched me most was "Shell". Perhaps because of a similar experience.

I have nothing much to review about the concert because the entire show was about feeling the music, feeling the connection and being drenched in them.

You know

You know, it's not fair, your life belongs to more than just yourself.

Recently, I find myself in a quick sand of sorrow, unable to pull myself out as walls seems to build higher and higher, forming a seemingly permanent barrier between me and the mundane world.

Though I get told that this is temporary, or this is life, or... ... I know for myself, for me, this is just a slam dunk.

Junior

In a last minute decision to go for a short jog at Singapore Polytechnic, I had an interesting encounter. I had changed into my PT kit, and sat at a corner of the car park to put on my running shoes. A duo of SP boys approached me and sheepishly asked me whether the pick up truck belongs to me. I believe they knew it belonged to me, they were just trying to find something to start what they were about to ask. "Yes," I carried on with my shoes laces. They went on to ask whether I can help them transport some planks to the dumping area. By this time, I was about done with my laces, and I gave them the positive (How could I say no?). I could feel their sense of happiness and hope. We worked together to dump what could have been 6 big chunks of heavy planks lined with iron nails ferociously jutting out. Industriously, we completed the job in a jiffy. They jokingly ask whether I could g ive them a ride back to the pool. Well, how could I reject them? They burst into joy and hopped up my pick up truck. I dropped them safely back where we began and they thanked me profusely. And I gave them the thumbs up. I am ready for my jog.

Butterfly

I vaguely remembered the chaos theory from my Sociology class in my university days. Just today, I learnt of how a few words that has not gone through tactful and thoughtful thoughts could create huge ramification in the feelings of another person. These seemingly 'loose' words which affects the mood of another person may have even larger impact like, in wild imagination, loss of concentration when crossing the road, which in turn cause a serial car accident, in which the drivers could be sole breadwinners of the family, or that the accident might see fuel leaks from the vehicle, which in turn flows into our water system,... ... ... the effects get larger and more serious. Well, things are not that chaotic, but the idea is there and I am feeling some chaos in me.

Food

Recently, I broke into a couple of spells of illness. I was touched that I had people asking about me. Auntie called to ask about me, sherlyn bought me the useful but torturous aloe gel, her grandma boiled me the flower concoction. I was really glad. At the same period, I had tasted some of the best foods. Xiaogu's treat at Asia grand restaurant. Auntie's treat at gim tim. Duck rice at yishun. Raw noodles at amk. I faced all of them with an evil ulcer beneath my lip. Fill with wins.

I am suppose to touch, but got touched instead

Not long after I returned. Auntie Soo Leng went on a trip to Hadyai. A terrible accident happened to her. She had a bad fall and fractured both tibias. On advice of my boss, she decided to return early to seek treatment rather than to stay in the hotel the whole time. And thank goodness she did. She was rushed to CGH upon touch down. Something mentionable: When Auntie asked whether someone could help her down the plane, Tiger Airways mentioned that it could be arranged for a fee of $250. The elevator would be arranged and staff will help her down. Speaking of 趁火打劫. Eventually, the elevator was not arranged because Tiger was not able to get it to the alighting apron in time and the plane is scheduled to take off again soon. I had expected some sort of samaritan behaviour from the staff really. Everyone thought initially it was just a very bad sprain. It turned out that both her legs were fractured, with the left being more serious. Due to some bad service from CGH, Auntie was transferred to Mt Elizabeth Hospital, where she had operation on one leg, instead of two suggested by the doctor at CGH. One evening when I visited Auntie CGH. No one was around the bed as everyone had their things to do. I was quite shocked by her sudden request for my hand, physically. I thought she wanted to see my palm lines. She held onto my hands and thank me for whatever help I had rendered and how I help her daughter by sending her to and from workplace, etc. I was quite touched by the gesture. It made me feel useful suddenly.

Hope it's the last

It has been an extremely eventful work trip for me. 21/5/12 thru 17/5/12. I almost spent a month in a foreign land. Not that I have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with the problems I face concerning work. I saw the changes in face, character and how someone will desert you when trouble is looming. I experience despair that I had brought trouble to close ones. I pray to everyone and anyone who can soothe my trouble soul and mind. I made some friends who were really helpful in times of need. I remember one day. The weather was red with anger. The howling winds marched in from the sea a mile away. Everything is flying, the tent, the canvas, the sand, the rocks, Sherlyn's helmet and myself. I could not sleep that night. I remember yet another morning. The same tempest threatened to stampede through our workplace yet again. I chant the name of Avalokiteśvara repeatedly. Strangely enough, the storm clouds split up 300 metres in front of me and went past alongside our workplace. I am not attempting credit this phenomena to anyone; I am sincerely grateful deep inside. I returned on the 17/6/12.

Missing

2/5/12 thru 19/5/12 (18/5/12 really); Many people might not share my sentiments. I actually enjoyed this period of in-camp training, minus the field training exercise due to the safety time-out. So much so that I actually felt slightly 'empty' when I returned to the civilised world. I missed the staying in time where my comrades and I had 'heart-to-heart' talks (the gayish term coined purposely to exaggerate), thrash talks and life chats. I missed prawning and eating our catch. I missed bitching about the excess time we had to wait out, and sleep out, when we really enjoyed it. I missed playing LogoQuiz with everyone. I missed complaining about the tasteless PRC cookhouse food and the ultra-spicy PLC cookhouse food and the sit-around breakfast after every morning's session. I missed the daily morning physical training. I will miss all my comrades for the coming year. Back to reality, I am about to fly off on another journey to Bintulu. I hate that place, not for the place, but the work I shall be embarking on, the clients I am obliged to and the national holidays I have to wait through.

Dog Run

I got a lot at carpark 1B > I shall go for a run. And I was rewarded for a decision well made. I passed farm mart, and carried on down slope. Someone was barking with excitement. He was all alone standing faithfully at the main entrance of a certain farm. He caught sight of me and stood at attention, tails erected. I stopped in my track and squatted down and showed him both my palms, he started to wag his tail. He came to me and rub his face closer when I caressed him on the face. When I stood up and clapped, he jumped and stood on his hinds. I caught him on his hands and tango'ed him about. What great fun! I carried on my run, only to realise this boy wished to follow. And so he did for the next 300 metres or so, which became the happiest stretch of run in my life till date. When I see him went into the bush to fuel his curiosity, I quickly sprinted towards the traffic light and crossed it. I had to shake him off. I am really sorry. I really do not wish for you to enter the urban world across the street. Please forgive me, I will be back again.

Ah Gong

After a ranting post yesterday, I went to bed feeling a bad aftertaste.

I met my late grandfather in my dreams last night. After so many occasions of missing his praying sessions, I finally see him again. I did not cry, he did not say anything. I am just contented to be able to see him again.

Bad Bintulu Day

It's really bad, really really bad.

Yesterday, the Sarawak agent informed that he will only be able to meet me on Saturday, tomorrow. We are supposed to meet today. I hope he do not play me out.

The bed I slept on is quite bad too. Protruding spring, but I should be able to bear with it.

This morning, I wasted RM50 in a few minutes because I did not subscribe to the one week broadband plan. I can feel the money flow out like water, really.

Then, I called to reserve a van. I was shocked that there were none left. Holy cow! I sank into depression. While on the decline, I think about whether I could rent 3 cars to ferry everyone. Or could I get a local cabbie with a van? How much will those cost me? Will I go broke here?

Leaving yet again (Bintulu)

Exit notification... check

Luggage weight... check

Flight timing... check

Cash... check

Laptop... and chargers... check

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I am leaving for Sarawak in a few hours time. I am really going to miss the usual working hours here. Over there, I am probably going to get the panda-eyed syndrome due to the early hours to wake up and report for work. I hope I can somehow leave my workers to lead their own men to work, so that I can take a short break every now and then, with the excuse of topping up supplies or something.

Bintulu might not even sound familiar to the ordinary man on any Malaysian street. The more current-affairs-savvy guy might know that it is a place where Malaysian oil and gas are based. They probably already knew all that Bintulu has to offer.

Irritation

Some people are just born to irritate. Foo, born to irritate everyone in the world. A certain foreigner worker who could not speak properly, born to irritate all customers he speaks to. I find a relation between this 2 character. Both of them cannot communicate properly and they irritate listeners in the process. However, one of them can work, another cannot.