Blame

Every one has that moment where they 'blame' outwards for something that didn't go the right way.

Difficult

It's sad that when you are trying to be helpful, people think that you are trying to be difficult. It's irritating that when you are trying to stay a team with your mate, they are trying to help the other side.

假好心

Now I learnt, I should not 假好心.

Keep quiet

Sometimes, the best way to avoid argument is to keep quiet because those who do not have the entire picture will just not get what you are trying to say. A good intention will become ill. A genuine frustration will become over reaction. Ok, shut up and keep going.

Mini WOD

Today, I have a small sense of achievement. I am finally getting the hang of kipping pull ups. I felt athletic, I felt free, I felt that I'm capable of more. Yes.

7 pull ups
50 Battle ropes (slam)
30 each hand, big waves
30 hip twists
6 pull ups
10 dead lifts 30kg
10 push presses 22.5kg
5 pull ups
20 kettle bell swings
5 pull ups
10 thrusters 25kg
5 pull ups
10 shoulders Shrugs with 40kg
3 rds x 10 calf presses
20 sit ups

Stretch

Betrayed

When the one person whom you think trusts you no matter what shows sign of distrust, you feel betrayed.

When Police Wore Shorts Then

Nowadays, I see more often policemen and women going to the hawker to get their meals fix, than them patrolling.

Today, another morning, another encounter. Police car at Clementi Ave 2 hawker centre, one of the police remained in the vehicle, engine running, aircon on.

What a life.

War of Words

Recipient of hurtful words will find it hard to forget the penetrating strike that presses into the mind. It might not be a calculated effort by the issuer, but what one spouted out spontaneously if often more true of their opinion than a carefully crafted speech.

Because Things are Fixed, I See Free Space.

Some people like their life to be ever changing because they enjoy the thrill that uncertainty brings. I do not.

I prefer my life to follow a schedule. This is because I value freedom. Rather conflicting sentences?

I do not like my planned dental visit disrupted by a queue cutting instruction, I do not like my scheduled running activity get cancelled by a queue cutting instruction, I do not like the dinner my mother prepared painstakingly go to waste, just because of a last minute queue cutting instruction.

It is because I arranged things and ensure that I do not move them, that I can see the free space.

Everything about the Familee

I hate the actors at the top of my country pyramid. I know the dead person has done much for the country; after a formal national show, enough is enough. We do not need to name everything after him right?

Oh, I do remember someone in India naming his indian son after this 'great' man.

boss management is an art, I'm not the artist

When I listen to people narrating their problem with work, I listen and I genuinely run the entire problem through my mind and think of the surrounding factors associated with the problem.

But ... ...

disobedient childhood thinking

it suddenly dawned on me an anecdote on am incident that illustrated how obedient I was during my childhood days.

There was a certain company that came to my primary school one day to market three products. All three are some sort of siren to signal distress when one is in danger. Robbery and so on. 

My young brain was so bent on getting one of those that now thinking back, I can only hate myself for being so irrational back then. I also despise that company who came to my school to try to sell those products to what could have been poor students. One of them cost $18, which by standards then, is considered very expensive. Today, I can get ge. A bicycle siren for a fraction of that price.

Envy Ah Wang

Though you might not have the healthiest lungs,
you breathe the easiest.
Though you might not have the largest land to roam,
you roam the free'est.
Though you might not command the best vocabulary,
you shout your mind.
Though you do not have worldly desires,
you do not need them anyway.
Though you do not have the best looks,
you need not hide anything at all.
Though you have your down times,
you need not suppress them.

 People have no intentions on you, no expectations of you, no deadlines for you, no scheme against you.

They have only love and care for you.

Pathetic

Human relationships are tricky stuff. The better the relationship, the more tricky. At times, I find myself not even having the liberty to feel upset over certain matters. The more I tried to explain my displeasure, the more wrong I am, because no, I am not supposed to feel upset when you are being pissed off. I feel pathetic. I do not even have the basic right of feeling about certain things.

Just Let Me Be

There are things in life that I know people can never comprehend about me, no matter how they try to. People can assume their opinions about my actions, they could be right, they could be wrong, I do not want to correct them. There are things I dislike, I detest, I hate, i do not enjoy doing, I do not feel like engaging in, I do not want to talk about, and I hope people will just leave me be. They can label be negatively, forget about my past deeds or help rendered, it is fine with me, if they so freely label me this way, they are probably not close enough.

Waste of Time

I hate to have my dinner late. I hate to waste time. I can kick the chairs, kick the door, vent my anger at Ah Wang, but I can do nothing further. I am not allowed to.

The Mistress

I am soaked in disappointment. Not that it is the first time in this career, if I can use this word 'career' to describe the state of affair I have been in since graduation. I realised, whatever I am doing is akin to a mistress of a married man. No matter how good my proposal is, no matter how much effort was spent into the preparation work, it would always lose to a priority lane user, aka, the lawful wife. I have been 'selling' the idea of a new product to my boss for no less than 2 years. Proven, Safe, productive, profitable is the prospective addition. Yet, I am always brushed off with a feeble excuse. Alas, there comes a PIC scheme where the government would subsidise some of the cost involved in the procurement of this product. I got words from the boss that if we manage to secure the funding, then the product is worth purchasing. I scratched my head, I know for this product to meet the funding criteria, much creative and effort will needed to draft a convincing proposal to the relevant authority who will approve/disapprove the funding. I finally set my direction and plunged into the sculpting of the ultimate proposal. I wrung my brains and strained my eyes to create the illustration. I was finally rewarded with the approval letter today. I just need to show the approval to my boss, who should be so satisfied that we got this approval. Lo and behold. It was not to be. The proposal is destined to be chucked aside for funds will be allocated for another purchase.

I lost everything

Yesterday was one of the saddest day of my life in recent years. I intended to open the red packets from the last cny, only to realise that all of them except for 2 empty ones and 1 containing 6 bucks, were gone. Stolen, borrowed or ... I do not know what else. But those, i could not care less. A ziploc bag containing notes and coins handed down from my late grandfather had been taken as well. I was and am still at a lost. I have no mood or any intention to go on with cny this year. I cried the whole night at the lost. The last few things that my grandfather had left me with are just gone lmike that. The sense of lost and anger filled me, yet frustration was the killer. I had no means or direction to head to in search of these lost items. It could not have been my brother or sister, could it? Definitely not my parents? Or could it be a friend of my sibling who happened to enter my room and nosy enough to slide open my drawer? I undertake the following: If you had taken my things, i beg you to return them to my drawer, i promise to forget this whole thing. I can even stage a situation that makes it my own fault for misplacing them. If not, i better had not learn of who be the one who plundered my precious memories before the day i die. I will make that someone pay dearly and i will you in hell, where i continue claiming payback.

Walk over my dead body to claim my land

In a recent stumbling on a forum post. An opinion was sought on whether a fellow forumer would rather be part of China or Malaysia in a merging. Of course, this cannot be farther from the real situation. However, the replies got me disgusted. The side for merger with Malaysia was against the unpleasant habits of the PRC citizens and emphatise with the Hong Kongers who 'lost' their identity after return to China. The opposite side who chose China brought up the history where Singapore was kicked out of Malaya and that we should not let history repeat itself. Also mentioned were religious freedom matters, policies which protects certain group of citizens and the fact that the country is smaller compared to China. There is yet another group, whom, in my opinion, is akin to a whore. They rather be governed by USA or UK, no real reasons given, except for one who mentioned of better healthcare and welfare. It sounds like a fake girl who lacks real love, speaking to her friend, "I hope Mr Filthy Rich or Mr Absolutely Charming will marry me," without ever knowing whether that Sire is really rich or charming. My take? I will not make any choice. I own an ownership to this country that is free and independent. To have to answer this question would be an insult.

Nothing to dream of

A television programme mentioned the problem with the working generation these days. On why they chose to strike out on career instead of marital affairs. What caught my ears is a certain guest, who claimed that the working generation nowadays are trying to balance work, ambition, hobby and relations at the same time. They are filled with drive to achieve and juggle as many as they could. My heart kind of sank slightly. Well, not just slightly. The situation I'm in now, there is not much I could juggle except my own work, my co-worker's work and my boss's wish (read: command). I have no time for hobbies, no social circle for much relation, no ambition to dream of (the more I dream, the more clearly I see that distance getting farther), but I have a lot of work (read: shit). Tomorrow is a public holidays. I would like to dedicate my prayers for a good afterlife to the sheep's whose lives are going to be ended for it.