Blame

Every one has that moment where they 'blame' outwards for something that didn't go the right way.

Difficult

It's sad that when you are trying to be helpful, people think that you are trying to be difficult. It's irritating that when you are trying to stay a team with your mate, they are trying to help the other side.

Keep quiet

Sometimes, the best way to avoid argument is to keep quiet because those who do not have the entire picture will just not get what you are trying to say. A good intention will become ill. A genuine frustration will become over reaction. Ok, shut up and keep going.

When Police Wore Shorts Then

Nowadays, I see more often policemen and women going to the hawker to get their meals fix, than them patrolling.

Today, another morning, another encounter. Police car at Clementi Ave 2 hawker centre, one of the police remained in the vehicle, engine running, aircon on.

What a life.

Because Things are Fixed, I See Free Space.

Some people like their life to be ever changing because they enjoy the thrill that uncertainty brings. I do not.

I prefer my life to follow a schedule. This is because I value freedom. Rather conflicting sentences?

I do not like my planned dental visit disrupted by a queue cutting instruction, I do not like my scheduled running activity get cancelled by a queue cutting instruction, I do not like the dinner my mother prepared painstakingly go to waste, just because of a last minute queue cutting instruction.

It is because I arranged things and ensure that I do not move them, that I can see the free space.

Just Let Me Be

There are things in life that I know people can never comprehend about me, no matter how they try to. People can assume their opinions about my actions, they could be right, they could be wrong, I do not want to correct them. There are things I dislike, I detest, I hate, i do not enjoy doing, I do not feel like engaging in, I do not want to talk about, and I hope people will just leave me be. They can label be negatively, forget about my past deeds or help rendered, it is fine with me, if they so freely label me this way, they are probably not close enough.

Nothing to dream of

A television programme mentioned the problem with the working generation these days. On why they chose to strike out on career instead of marital affairs. What caught my ears is a certain guest, who claimed that the working generation nowadays are trying to balance work, ambition, hobby and relations at the same time. They are filled with drive to achieve and juggle as many as they could. My heart kind of sank slightly. Well, not just slightly. The situation I'm in now, there is not much I could juggle except my own work, my co-worker's work and my boss's wish (read: command). I have no time for hobbies, no social circle for much relation, no ambition to dream of (the more I dream, the more clearly I see that distance getting farther), but I have a lot of work (read: shit). Tomorrow is a public holidays. I would like to dedicate my prayers for a good afterlife to the sheep's whose lives are going to be ended for it.

I am not responsible for how you think

I am utterly upset with life again. I never wanted to feel sorry with myself, and I don't really feel sorry for others much. Martian struck again. Reason does not work on such a person - high (overly) self-esteem, egoistic, succumb to self-fulfilling prophecy, arrogant, stubborn-yet-low-IQ, lazy, name calling, high-and-mighty (when not worthy of), only likes to listen to nice things, cannot take criticism, impression manage. She asked me for help, I helped and added that she will need to pick up some pointers from my work (in that particular dealing) so that it will facilitate her future work. It was meant to be an encouragement to learn new things, but alas, it had to be taken to mean that I was scoffing at her low ability. To put things on record, if I meant to do what she perceived I was doing, it wouldhave been a hundred times more painful on the ear and the ego.

Low Class

I would like to reprimand myself for my behaviour today. Though the other party is low class, I must not behave likewise.

X = The Customer [AKA the Accusor] 

Z = Myself

X Claims: 

1. Z's company has the worst service support of all the tent company X has dealt with. 

2. X claims that Z provided wrong pricing for one day when the event is two days. 

3. X claims that Z delivered a tent that cannot fit in 800 pax. 

4. X claims that Z's generator did not have a timer that automatically shuts down the power.

Z's Rebuttals: 

a. X is entitled to his opinions on point 1. 

b. Z in fact quoted price for two day use of logistics and demand that X retract what he claimed in point 2. X took back his statement and apologised.

c. Z mentioned that X provided the tent size of 144' x 20' to hold 800 pax. Z asked X's staff on the intended use of the tent and was told that it was for participants to seek shelter in event of heavy rain. Z subsequently stated to X's staff in an email that based on standing space of 1.5ft x 2ft per pax, the tent will be able to squeeze in 800 pax, provided everyone stands in order. Z put it to X that if Z could gather 800 pax within the tent, X would have to pay for the cost incurred. X approached Z up close and mentioned that even if 800 pax were to stand as close, the tent would not be able to house 800 pax and challenge that Z get 800 pax to do that in the coming Monday. Z put it to X once more that X would have to pay for all cost incurred if Z would be able to gather 800 pax in the tent in question, to which X replied with a request for Z [sic] to get lost before X turns violent. Z dared X to get violent there and then. 

d. Z mentioned that though the generator is not fitted with a timer to shut down automatically, they is ultimately no disruption in power supply. If there is, X's company is welcomed to take an issue with Z for compensation, whatsoever. Z mentioned there is nothing X could argue with regards to this. X threatened once more for Z to [sic] get lost before he throw Z's logistics at Z. To which Z responded by asking saying to X [sic] I dare you to do it.

The next time someone threatens to 'turn violent' on me, I should not dare him. Instead, I should ask him in a clear manner, "Are you threatening me?" And if he affirms, I would ask if he would repeat it in front of a witness. If he obliges, I would then call the police. If not, I would call him a loser.

Regret

I am beginning to wonder whether I had wrongly entrusted S$900 in cash to my friend, as funds for 'spaying of dogs'. From whatever actions thus far, I cannot help but think that just because the money does not come out of his pocket; it made spending more carefree, short of lavish. It made the spender consider less of consequences of actions and decisions. It made the contributor regret, somewhat.

Short break from reality

When someone does something for their own gains, or orchestrate something such that it facilitates their own gain, we call it selfish. But how do we describes the receiving end of selfishness? I would say it is an amalgamation of betrayal, helplessness, upset and sometimes resignation.

These days, I have seen many. When things are not going well, you get people who shuts on you. Or when people suddenly have many things to say to you, you know they need your help. How about someone who asks you a question, and end them with the word 'right?", making you wonder whether that was actually a question or a rhetoric, or just that they just volunteered your support pertaining the matter in question.

On another note, Tiko's grandmother just passed away 5 days ago. I heard his phone call for help on funeral matters, in the voice clearly shaken by a bout of tears. I could understand his sorrows, as I had experienced them four times. Today is the last day of the funeral and I was there for logistical purpose. Strangely but surely, it was the most at-ease moment I experiences lately. My good friend Tiko, my China buddy Ah Jian, the newbie Ah Hao, Tiko's father and the rest of his family - all harmless characters in my life.

Now, I am back to reality.

Irritation

Some people are just born to irritate. Foo, born to irritate everyone in the world. A certain foreigner worker who could not speak properly, born to irritate all customers he speaks to. I find a relation between this 2 character. Both of them cannot communicate properly and they irritate listeners in the process. However, one of them can work, another cannot.

sick of it part 2

There are also times where I have to face a bad attitude from a someone - be it a co-worker, the boss, the list can go on. I reckon it could be because I do not act in accordance to someone's script of what s/he expects. For e.g., you are expected to say thank you when someone hands you something, you are expected to shout 'delicious, one more!' when someone brought forth you a dish. To me, these are the actions of hypocrites, where sometimes I am guilty of myself. Most other times, I chose to follow my own thoughts, which could be perceived by others as arrogant, insensitive and irritating.

It feels lousy to have to be issued a black card, sometimes almost immediately after offering help. It adds to the feeling of being used and thrown aside. But for not liking to explain myself, my actions or any decisions, I cannot argue for much.

sick of it

How many time in your life do you have people saying 'you can't do this', 'you are not good enough' - and yet, you have nothing to say in return, because, quite in fact, you really are not up to the mark.

Yet at other junctions of the same lifetime, you find yourself really not capable of certain task, not really good enough to deliver - and you asked for help, and you get a cold call. And it is afterwards that people who shrug you off became concerned about your ordeal.

It is such events in life that makes me think thrice about lifting a helping finger, or making a genuinely critical comment. Sometimes, I think I would rather see someone go and commit a mistake, than to warn about it beforehand, only to get a face, that suggest I am harbouring a malicious intent.