Envy Ah Wang

Though you might not have the healthiest lungs,
you breathe the easiest.
Though you might not have the largest land to roam,
you roam the free'est.
Though you might not command the best vocabulary,
you shout your mind.
Though you do not have worldly desires,
you do not need them anyway.
Though you do not have the best looks,
you need not hide anything at all.
Though you have your down times,
you need not suppress them.

 People have no intentions on you, no expectations of you, no deadlines for you, no scheme against you.

They have only love and care for you.

Pathetic

Human relationships are tricky stuff. The better the relationship, the more tricky. At times, I find myself not even having the liberty to feel upset over certain matters. The more I tried to explain my displeasure, the more wrong I am, because no, I am not supposed to feel upset when you are being pissed off. I feel pathetic. I do not even have the basic right of feeling about certain things.

Just Let Me Be

There are things in life that I know people can never comprehend about me, no matter how they try to. People can assume their opinions about my actions, they could be right, they could be wrong, I do not want to correct them. There are things I dislike, I detest, I hate, i do not enjoy doing, I do not feel like engaging in, I do not want to talk about, and I hope people will just leave me be. They can label be negatively, forget about my past deeds or help rendered, it is fine with me, if they so freely label me this way, they are probably not close enough.

Waste of Time

I hate to have my dinner late. I hate to waste time. I can kick the chairs, kick the door, vent my anger at Ah Wang, but I can do nothing further. I am not allowed to.

The Mistress

I am soaked in disappointment. Not that it is the first time in this career, if I can use this word 'career' to describe the state of affair I have been in since graduation. I realised, whatever I am doing is akin to a mistress of a married man. No matter how good my proposal is, no matter how much effort was spent into the preparation work, it would always lose to a priority lane user, aka, the lawful wife. I have been 'selling' the idea of a new product to my boss for no less than 2 years. Proven, Safe, productive, profitable is the prospective addition. Yet, I am always brushed off with a feeble excuse. Alas, there comes a PIC scheme where the government would subsidise some of the cost involved in the procurement of this product. I got words from the boss that if we manage to secure the funding, then the product is worth purchasing. I scratched my head, I know for this product to meet the funding criteria, much creative and effort will needed to draft a convincing proposal to the relevant authority who will approve/disapprove the funding. I finally set my direction and plunged into the sculpting of the ultimate proposal. I wrung my brains and strained my eyes to create the illustration. I was finally rewarded with the approval letter today. I just need to show the approval to my boss, who should be so satisfied that we got this approval. Lo and behold. It was not to be. The proposal is destined to be chucked aside for funds will be allocated for another purchase.

I lost everything

Yesterday was one of the saddest day of my life in recent years. I intended to open the red packets from the last cny, only to realise that all of them except for 2 empty ones and 1 containing 6 bucks, were gone. Stolen, borrowed or ... I do not know what else. But those, i could not care less. A ziploc bag containing notes and coins handed down from my late grandfather had been taken as well. I was and am still at a lost. I have no mood or any intention to go on with cny this year. I cried the whole night at the lost. The last few things that my grandfather had left me with are just gone lmike that. The sense of lost and anger filled me, yet frustration was the killer. I had no means or direction to head to in search of these lost items. It could not have been my brother or sister, could it? Definitely not my parents? Or could it be a friend of my sibling who happened to enter my room and nosy enough to slide open my drawer? I undertake the following: If you had taken my things, i beg you to return them to my drawer, i promise to forget this whole thing. I can even stage a situation that makes it my own fault for misplacing them. If not, i better had not learn of who be the one who plundered my precious memories before the day i die. I will make that someone pay dearly and i will you in hell, where i continue claiming payback.