One incompetent ex-worker, one procrastinating boss

It's the deadly concoction for my glass. The Martian, who has left the service - with a bang - since May last year, has it's radiation lingering in the office. The deadly half-life, coupled with a procrastinating boss who chuck the all important document somewhere between two insignificant pieces of paper, paved the way to the shit hole for me.

As usual, the Fool was sitting at her desk, enjoying the cool air-con, looking into her email screen with no new enquirers, and barking at any calling customers. Boss suddenly produced a letter from IRAS dated 18/4/11 and today is ... 27/5/11, and good one month from the letter.

Whoa... I better start to dig my grave or I might miss the auspicious timing.

Back to reality

I have reached the end of my annual holiday at PRChalet. Its time to fall back into the dark well of reality, sometimes known as worklife. Back to facing idiots at work and wearing a facade to talk to people.

What has been most enjoyable during this ICT?

- Being an advanced party trooper.

-- Able to choose the best bed.

- Play monopoly card.

- Everyday book out until scared/sian.

- Every day PT.

-- Found my fitness (manhood according to CO).

- Crapping with buddies (Stanley on the alternative warm up exercises).

- Bt Chandu, my next running route.

- Biathlon (Sean, nice running alongside)

- Fishing joy

- ETC... ...

What has been undesirable?

- Everyday book out until scared/sian/no dinner indent.

- Team broken up to form a chapalang team.

- Outfield (as always).

- Cooking during a short outfield.

- Drawing signal sets and bringing them outfield.

- One egg, one sausage.

I can go on for both list, but I shall just stop there. Comrades, see you in a year, or, touchwood, during war.

$100

It's a funny feeling. Perhaps, too many a time, I have been scoring only $100 for my IPPT that I do not feel too much off today. Yes, I got another $100. However, what is different today is that instead of all 4s and 5s at statics and 3 at running, I did a 5 for running, but mostly 4s for statics.

What really liven me up is that Onion did exceptionally well for running and I contributed quite a piece of effort to the training schedule.

Now, I have to give my muscle a well-deserved rest.

Monday is coming

I've learnt to accept that, in life, there are always things that piss. Instead of living and reacting to them, I rather take it with a pinch of salt and be nonchalant or at least appear to be so. If you are facing someone who give you short or uninterested answers, so be it, no point forcing people to be interested. If you feel disgusted at people who crowd the lift, only to alight at the 2nd floor, let them be, wait for the next lift. If ah fool tell you she don't know, tell her you also don't know.

It's tiring to have to swim out of the misery sea, just lay on you back, and see where the waves bring you.

Events and its taste

In recent days, I went through traumatic, empathising and educational events.

The trauma came the day Rose got hit by a car. Her hinds were badly injured. The fortune of this incident is that there has been no fracture or any injury to the organs, just a bad dislocation requiring a long span of rest. Rose is now on painkiller for 4 days and antibiotics for weeks to come. Her laceration wounds (some stitched up) has to be cleaned, creamed and powdered at least twice daily. Rose also panted heavily yesterday before I left, however, after her heavy peeing (right after I changed her bedding), the panting reduced and she went to bed.

I later went for a run to prepare for IPPT. I ran two reps of 1.2km with a targeted timing of 5:30 each, with 3 minutes in between; I managed to do 5:00 and 5:15. Within the run, I got to feel how Rose might have felt when she panted. Adopting Rose's hardy characteristic, my legs carried me to the end of the route.

I also understood that speech is a dangerous thing. No matter how much importance you place in a speech, it might not matter to the listener because if s/he took it in another way, you will be sentenced. Dr Chee Soon Juan may have been saying things good for the nation, but no, boss felt offended, you go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. So, yes, lesson learnt, next time, no matter how bad you see the situation, let it develop on its own.

变脸

I took on the role of a face-changing-actor these days. I appear angry, I appear relaxed, I appear happy, I appear tired, I appear to have a good appetite, but inside me, I really felt an unexplained sadness.

I look ahead, I cannot see beyond my five fingers. I look back, I felt like a photographer who could not find a subject to a photo. I soak in the present, I rather let the waves carry me because the more I paddle, the more my torso will ache when I finally realised that I am going nowhere realistic.

I had to lie, sometimes even to myself, so that situations will remain in equilibrium, so that there won't be another concern for people around me, or in simpler terms, I will not be a spoiler. After a lie, I need another several scores of it to cover up. The only truthful claim I could remember I made recent is when I told Sherlyn that I felt extremely depressed whenever she talk about her overseas trip meeting. Onion asked me the factor that is keeping me back from going. I could not answer him, I could not even answer myself (refer to para. 2).

I suddenly think of Emilia - my furry friend who passed on.

Angry rant

I might sound like a spoilt brat whose father refused to buy him a toy. The spoilt brat then rants his piece online.

I suggested to boss that we might be able to earn some bucks from buying and renting out a set of PA system. He told me that this require proper feasibility study, which I have been doing for the past few months. Alas, my hard work has been met with the most heartless reply - silence. To add insult to the injury, when a co-worker brought it up in office today, boss overtly rejected it, something he could have done to me and I wonder why he choosed not to to make me spend those time and eyesight on the screen looking at mackie, rcf, dbt, behringer, yamaha... sending enquiries and making trips to Sim Lim Square.

I am begining to hate every square inch of this place and I loathe having to respond to someone's calling with immediate speed and yet not being heard (or talked to, even if it is just to say 'no'). Remind: Spotlight 400W. I have reached trigger point, I am not going to trouble myself with more thankless venture.

Maybe I, forever, am just not good enough.