Lor Halus

Net happiness for the day

I am having net happiness today. That being my total happiness today less my total upset, I still have some surplus happiness.

- having to count Foo pay.
- having to fret over a kacang putih order from a regular.
- had to sub the kacang putih to auntie.
-- that order is last minute.
--- all delivery truck went out for the day.
- minor screw ups with the order
- thought i nearly failed assignment

+ went swimming.
+ auntie helped me with the kacang putih order.
+ received pay.
++ banked in pay.
+++ went shopping with pay.
+ passed test
++ passed assignment
+++ being the first to leave the class because of the above 2 +
+ went running

sick of it part 2

There are also times where I have to face a bad attitude from a someone - be it a co-worker, the boss, the list can go on. I reckon it could be because I do not act in accordance to someone's script of what s/he expects. For e.g., you are expected to say thank you when someone hands you something, you are expected to shout 'delicious, one more!' when someone brought forth you a dish. To me, these are the actions of hypocrites, where sometimes I am guilty of myself. Most other times, I chose to follow my own thoughts, which could be perceived by others as arrogant, insensitive and irritating.

It feels lousy to have to be issued a black card, sometimes almost immediately after offering help. It adds to the feeling of being used and thrown aside. But for not liking to explain myself, my actions or any decisions, I cannot argue for much.

sick of it

How many time in your life do you have people saying 'you can't do this', 'you are not good enough' - and yet, you have nothing to say in return, because, quite in fact, you really are not up to the mark.

Yet at other junctions of the same lifetime, you find yourself really not capable of certain task, not really good enough to deliver - and you asked for help, and you get a cold call. And it is afterwards that people who shrug you off became concerned about your ordeal.

It is such events in life that makes me think thrice about lifting a helping finger, or making a genuinely critical comment. Sometimes, I think I would rather see someone go and commit a mistake, than to warn about it beforehand, only to get a face, that suggest I am harbouring a malicious intent.